A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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