this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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