Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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