omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
