I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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