he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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