she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
