stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
