I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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