Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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