i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
