i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
