I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
