Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
