Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
