it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
