I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
