tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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