Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
