This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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