Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
