Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
