This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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