Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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