Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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