and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
