I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
