You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Randomize
