I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
