You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
