apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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