it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
