carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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