So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
