I bet he comes in French.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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