just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
