i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
