I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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