when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
