I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
