ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize