My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
