I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
