Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
