you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
