i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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