don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
