hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
