I'm jealous of your bromance
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
