she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
