I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
