Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
