I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
