yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
