i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
