will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
