He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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