I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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