Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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