dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
