So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
