I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
