I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
