not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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