3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
