My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
