There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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