Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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