I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
