I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Randomize
