I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
