I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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