i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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