Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover

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(325): View more from Texas

We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."

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(518): View more from New York

Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?

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(765): View more from Indiana

I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire

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