Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
