Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My pussy is not your playground.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
