there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
