sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Will you blow on my dice?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
