At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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