i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
