my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize