Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
