We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
