well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
