What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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