3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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