i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
