What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize