i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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