Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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