Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
