I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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