i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
