i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
