That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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