i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize