i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
