he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
