I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize