I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
