Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize